So, you’re thinking of becoming a socialist? Take this short quiz to find out how you’d fare under history’s most famous socialist states.


  • Answer: Male
    Perfect, you are a prime candidate for back-breaking labor for the good of the people. Just don’t expect to be paid. That money is for the needy and, of course, the Party. Also, you’d be great for compulsory military service. Just try not to get yourself killed, okay?
  • Answer: Female
    Oh, great! In the name of equality and liberation for your gender, you will be stripped from your family and forbidden to see them while working like a slave in the factories. That is, assuming you weren’t executed as a baby simply for being born female. Welcome to Chairman Mao’s glorious vision of Communist China!
  • Answer: Non-Binary
    Sorry, your unnatural proclivities have landed you in a concentration camp under that luminous revolutionary, Ché Guevara. I know it’s tough, but doesn’t he look great on a T-shirt?

  • Answer: Christian
    Religion is the opiate of the masses. Enjoy your time in a Soviet work camp or mental institution. You don’t have to be crazy to be a communist, but it helps!
  • Answer: Jewish
    Why won’t you stop polluting the master race? It’s off to Auschwitz with you! Better hope that armbands are this year’s hot new fashion accessory.
  • Answer: Muslim
    Religion is the opiate of the masses. Enjoy your time in a Soviet work camp or mental institution. You don’t have to be crazy to be a communist, but it helps!
  • Answer: Atheist/Agnostic
    The Prophet Muhammed (praise be unto him) tolerates no infidels. It’s convert or die, and don’t expect 72 virgins if you choose the latter.

  • Answer: Democrat
    False. Prepare for execution for treason at the hands of His Excellency, Dear Father Kim Jong Un.
  • Answer: Republican
    False. Prepare for execution for treason at the hands of His Excellency, Dear Father Kim Jong Un.
  • Answer: Independent
    False. Prepare for execution for treason at the hands of His Excellency, Dear Father Kim Jong Un.
  • Answer: Libertarian
    False. Prepare for execution for treason at the hands of His Excellency, Dear Father Kim Jong Un.
  • Answer: Korean Workers’ Party
    Congratulations! You chose right. Now you will not be executed at the hands of the Supreme Leader, Kim Jong Un. Of course, feeding your family is another matter, but at least your loyalty to an oppressive, totalitarian state won’t be in any doubt. Good luck!

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